by | Apr 10, 2019 | Books | 0 comments

There’s one kind of email that’s the most fun to send: the ones where I get to say, “I have a new book for you to read.”

Ladies and gentlemen, The Thorning Ceremonyis now available!

The Thorning Ceremony is a standalone prequel to The Western Lands and All That Really Matters series, and takes place when Eloise and Johanna are not quite 14, about three years before the start of The Purple Haze, .

Framed around the coming of age ritual of The Thorning Ceremony, the book helps us understand why things are the way they are when The Purple Haze opens, which is, as we know, a bit messed up.

I’m so pleased it is available for you to enjoy. You can get it on Amazon as en ebook or in paper, and if you’re in Kindle Unlimited, it’s there for you for free.

Here’s an excerpt from the start of the book:

Excerpt: The Thorning Ceremony

Chapter One: After the Shaving of Mollusks

“Wait, wait, wait. Here it is!” whispered Princess Eloise Hydra Gumball III, tapping her reading pointer on her copy of the Livre de Protocol. “Scroll forward. The passage on the Thorning Ceremony is after the Consecration of the Sumps and before the Hoisting of the Silent Petards.”

Her fraternal twin, Princess Johanna Umgotteswillen Gumball, glanced at their sleeping tutor, Master Thompkins Lyredog Overbolt, decided it was safe, and quickly rolled her scroll forward. “Got it,” she whispered.

Eloise switched to the secret sign language that the twins had developed years before, anxious not to wake Overbolt. Really, what is Mother’s problem? Why won’t she talk to us about this?

I don’t know,signed Johanna. It’s like she’s pretending it’s one of those antiquated rituals that no one does any more, like the Praising of the Royal Purple Cabbages.

This thing is coming. We’re turning 14 in a month. 

The twins took a moment to read the passage. “Ye shall pierceth the flesh—scalp, face, neck, and hands—of the most honored maidens, and name from among them the Heir,” quoted Eloise in a whisper. Do you think this thing with the thorns is real?She shuddered. It sounds awful.

Read more excerpt…