The Thorning Ceremony

A Standalone Prequel to The Western Lands and All That Really Matters

A slightly OCD princess.

Her ambitious twin sister.

And the worst rite of passage in the history of all the realms. 

Princess Eloise Hydra Gumball III is on track to become the Future Ruler and Heir to the Western Lands and All That Really Matters. That is, if she can survive the gruelling training of the demanding Thorning Master, stave off her sister’s desires to take on the role, and get through the horrific Thorning Ceremony.

The Thorning Ceremony is a humorous story set in a unique fantasy world that features weak magic, equality between species, stupidly long names, and wäÿ töö mänÿ ümläüts. It’s a funny and witty standalone prequel novel to the Western Lands and All That Really Matters series that takes place three years before book one, The Purple Haze. If you like quirky, clever characters, lively dialog, and a fun Discworld-ish fantasy setting, then you’ll love this book from Andrew Einspruch.

Reviews

This was a weird idea turned exciting! Inserting thorns into your body just for tradition. I wasn’t too sure about it at first, and I am not keen on the idea, but Einspruch was able to make the whole experience captivating and dramatic. Eloise and her sister, Johanna, are forced to comply with anything their trainer tells them to do while they practice thorning themselves and trying to not pass out. I enjoyed The Thorning Ceremony because it was short, simple, and a lot of fun. The humour was the same, the characters were just as unique and consistent, and the themes were represented well. I also enjoyed the ending because it flowed perfectly into The Purple Haze, the first book of the series. This might be my favourite book of The Western Lands and All That Really Matters series!

Emma-Katherine, It’s a Novel Life

Tonya Smith, Amazon Review

Who would want thorns pushed through their skin?

Well, no one I suspect would welcome thorns being pushed through their skin. Yet sometimes for the sake of your Kingdom, (or in this case Queendom), our heroine has no choice. In his short book, The Thorning Ceremony is described by the author Andrew Einspruch himself as ‘the worst rite of passage in the history of all the realms’, and he should know, he created The Western Land and All That Really Matters. If you are a fan already, you will know that the twin princesses are the heir and the spare to the throne of the Western Realm. Their mother, the beloved Queen and current ruler of “all that really matters” is keen to see her girls progress to the next stage of their royal training. Our heroine, Princess Eloise Hydra Gumball III (who is on track to become the Future Ruler and Heir to the Western Lands and All That Really Matters), well maybe not so much. In this standalone prequel novel to his series Einspruch keeps up the banter, hilarity and always one töö mänÿ ümläüts to deliver a quick paced romp with his quirky, likeable characters, and chippy dialogue in a fun Pratchetty Discworld-ish fantasy setting. It is a must-read if you want to better understand our heroine’s journey to Queenhood because she doesn’t seem like very promising material at this moment.
Cheryl Hannah, Amazon Review

Who would want thorns pushed through their skin?

Coming of age for a Gumball Dynasty princess is a big deal indeed! The herbal lore and imparting of life skills is handed down via a very ceremonious series of ordeals, some private, some public, and all fraught with significance for a princess’s future. The twins, being each her own girl, handle the trials they face very differently from their mother, or one another, with consequences for the rest of their lives.
Helgaleena Healinglin, Goodreads Review