The Purple Haze

Book One in The Western Lands and All That Really Matters

A kidnapped twin sister. A cross-realm rescue mission. Weak and oddly-specific magic. Will an untested princess defy her doomed destiny?

Princess Eloise’s life has become dominated by the demands of the Court. The meticulous habits that got her through her days are no match for the disgusting rituals and creepy prophecies dictating her destiny. And the harder she tries to control her path to Future Ruler and Heir, the more she mucks things up.

But when her wayward twin sister disappears, Eloise steps way out of her comfort zone to get her back.

What she thought would be a quick rescue turns into a whirlwind of realm-crossing chaos fraught with imprisonment, embarrassment, and peril. Yet all of that pales in comparison to the shock she finds when she reaches her destination and nothing, including her sister, is what it seems.

Can Eloise discover her inner strength in time to protect her family?

The Purple Haze is the witty first instalment of the Western Lands and All That Really Matters epic fantasy series. If you like clever banter, vibrant medieval realms, and sly pop culture nods, you’ll be enchanted by Andrew Einspruch’s rollicking adventure.

Buy The Purple Haze and dive into this fun, fresh fantasy series.

REVIEWS

★★★★★

I enjoyed the innocent humour while reading The Purple Haze. A lot of YA authors stretch themselves to write innuendos, roasts, or other inappropriate jokes, but Einspruch just wrote what was natural. There are a lot of plays-on-words (champignon vs. champion), bizarre stories (losing an eye and a kidney in a freak kumquat harvest), and ridiculous word choices (spangly bits). This book could easily be considered too juvenile to be funny for teenagers, but I enjoyed the break from all of the awfully written sex jokes.

I was also able to connect to these characters very easily for two reasons. One, Einspruch (although not right away) described them and showed the readers who they were. There was a range of character types and personalities, which opened up for more people finding a person they enjoy reading about. Two, there are a lot of “experiences” or “situations” that I share with the characters, including speaking French and having OCD. There are a lot of random French words in The Purple Haze, and because I speak French, I find it even funnier. I also see myself in Eloise a lot because of her OCD tendencies, such as “knowing when something is just right.” The numbers in the library “just make sense.” I noticed these habits right away and connected with Eloise, which made engaging with the text easier.

— Emma-Katherine, It’s a Novel Life

★★★★★

Wonderful witty new world full of engaging characters to explore

This is not your mama’s fairy tale adventure – this is more like a trip down the rabbit hole where up isn’t always up and you never know what is going to happen next.

Not only does this story have the most unlikeliest group of heroes ever, it is full of puns that touch on everything from technology tycoons (there’s a bridge in town called William Gates named after a man from a long ago era who made a fortune selling glass panes) to music (When Doves Laugh, Last Carriage to Clarksville, Mama’s Don’t Let Your Babies Grow up to be Jesters) to popular TV Shows (Stúüùbing. Captain Stúüùbing of the Barco del Amor).

The characters are vivid enough that I can picture them in my mind – I can see Jerome’s little stub of a tail twitching with excitement, I can see Hector posing automatically whenever he’s given a chance, I can feel Eloise’s disgust when she has to put the stone in her mouth over and over again, I feel the menace of the Happy Clappers as they encircle and close in on Eloise, Lorch and Jerome.

I think that it takes a talented person to tell a good story, and it takes an incredibly talented person to fill their story with puns and witticisms that add to and do not detract from the tale being told. Just like Robert Asprin, Terry Pratchett and Piers Anthony before him, Andrew Einspruch’s tales of the Western Lands and All That Really Matters falls into the latter category.

— liasmom2, Amazon Review

★★★★★

Highly recommend it, I do!

The Purple Haze is filled with wit, witticisms, Easter eggs (a gamer term, in this case) and marve7lous puns. The characters, human and non-human, are expertly created to cling to the reader’s mind for ever greater enjoyment as the reader turns each page. The world is fabulously described as are the scenes enacted in it. I laughed, guffawed, and giggled. I also shed a few tears. Not only are the things true, the storyline is awesomely crafted. I also learned a few new words due to the ability to touch a word on my Kindle and promptly have the definition show itself. My favorite, I think, is the Southie Queen’s first name, but I won’t ruin it for you. Just go read it for yourself (sizzle). I loved every minute of the time I spent in the awesome story and I hope you do, as well.

— Ami A., Amazon Review

★★★★★

I liked Eloise, she has a good personality and is a snowball character in that she seems to gather others to her plight ensuring that we have an entertaining group to read about along the way. She’s also resourceful and doesn’t panic in an emergency. She can be terribly proper but also kind and thoughtful.

— Lynn’s Book Blog

★★★★★

The saga of the twin princesses of the Western Lands and All That Really Matters is top-notch, all-ages utopia, quite as real as Narnia or Oz. They are delineated in a pleasant blend of puns, darkness, puns, whimsy and wit, in the spirit of William Steig, Roald Dahl, or indeed, Lewis Carroll. Yes, I opine that every child needs to know about Princess Eloise Hydra Gumball III ! and her world.

— Helgaleena

★★★★★

Hilarious with a heart -Terry Pratchett for Young Adults

If you’re looking for a new fantasy series, love playful puns and complex and courageous female protagonists, then this species-inclusive romp is for you. This first of a series invites us into the formal world of Court, where Eloise, the heir to the throne, and her resentful twin sister live constrained by Protocol. However a short journey turns into a long and challenging adventure, twisting with page-turning obstacles. There’s sibling rivalry, obnoxious and possibly murderous relatives and the foibles of one charming species after another. Adult readers will enjoy the gently satirical elements reminiscent of Jonathan Swift, and readers-aloud will enjoy the mouth-filling place-names and hilarious diversions.

— Janet WK, Amazon Review