The Purple Haze

Book One in The Western Lands and All That Really Matters

Her twin abducted. A treacherous rescue mission. Can an unproven princess escape a prophecy of doom?


Princess Eloise Hydra Gumball III prefers things just exactly so. As the meticulous Future Ruler and Heir with an almost-useless magical gift, she’s in no hurry to take the throne. But when a seer foretells her royal twin’s peril, a simple quest with her champion friend to rescue the girl becomes a complicated journey filled with danger.


Thrown completely out of her comfort zone and with her wayward sister slipping through her fingers, Eloise’s desperate hunt turns to disaster when she’s slammed behind bars in an unfamiliar realm. And even though she persuades the stern monarch to set them free and help them secure a ship, she soon finds herself sailing headfirst into a menacing violet fog.


Can Eloise find her sister and her own strength before they fall to the deadly mist’s lethal embrace?


The Purple Haze is the sharp-witted first book in the Western Lands and All That Really Matters humorous fantasy series. If you like tongue-in-cheek humor, vivid medieval worlds, and clever cultural references, then you’ll love Andrew Einspruch’s lively adventure.


Buy The Purple Haze to smoke out the real villain today!


The saga of the twin princesses of the Western Lands and All That Really Matters is top-notch, all-ages utopia, quite as real as Narnia or Oz. They are delineated in a pleasant blend of puns, darkness, puns, whimsy and wit, in the spirit of William Steig, Roald Dahl, or indeed, Lewis Carroll. Yes, I opine that every child needs to know about Princess Eloise Hydra Gumball III ! and her world.

— helgaleena says

I enjoyed the innocent humour while reading The Purple Haze. A lot of YA authors stretch themselves to write innuendos, roasts, or other inappropriate jokes, but Einspruch just wrote what was natural. There are a lot of plays-on-words (champignon vs. champion), bizarre stories (losing an eye and a kidney in a freak kumquat harvest), and ridiculous word choices (spangly bits). This book could easily be considered too juvenile to be funny for teenagers, but I enjoyed the break from all of the awfully written sex jokes. 

I was also able to connect to these characters very easily for two reasons. One, Einspruch (although not right away) described them and showed the readers who they were. There was a range of character types and personalities, which opened up for more people finding a person they enjoy reading about. Two, there are a lot of “experiences” or “situations” that I share with the characters, including speaking French and having OCD. There are a lot of random French words in The Purple Haze, and because I speak French, I find it even funnier. I also see myself in Eloise a lot because of her OCD tendencies, such as “knowing when something is just right.” The numbers in the library “just make sense.” I noticed these habits right away and connected with Eloise, which made engaging with the text easier.

Emma-Katherine, It’s a Novel Life

I liked Eloise, she has a good personality and is a snowball character in that she seems to gather others to her plight ensuring that we have an entertaining group to read about along the way. She’s also resourceful and doesn’t panic in an emergency. She can be terribly proper but also kind and thoughtful.

Lynn’s Book Blog

Highly recommend it, I do!

The Purple Haze is filled with wit, witticisms, Easter eggs (a gamer term, in this case) and marve7lous puns. The characters, human and non-human, are expertly created to cling to the reader’s mind for ever greater enjoyment as the reader turns each page. The world is fabulously described as are the scenes enacted in it. I laughed, guffawed, and giggled. I also shed a few tears. Not only are the things true, the storyline is awesomely crafted. I also learned a few new words due to the ability to touch a word on my Kindle and promptly have the definition show itself. My favorite, I think, is the Southie Queen’s first name, but I won’t ruin it for you. Just go read it for yourself (sizzle). I loved every minute of the time I spent in the awesome story and I hope you do, as well.

Ami A., Amazon Review

Hilarious with a heart -Terry Pratchett for Young Adults

If you’re looking for a new fantasy series, love playful puns and complex and courageous female protagonists, then this species-inclusive romp is for you. This first of a series invites us into the formal world of Court, where Eloise, the heir to the throne, and her resentful twin sister live constrained by Protocol. However a short journey turns into a long and challenging adventure, twisting with page-turning obstacles. There’s sibling rivalry, obnoxious and possibly murderous relatives and the foibles of one charming species after another. Adult readers will enjoy the gently satirical elements reminiscent of Jonathan Swift, and readers-aloud will enjoy the mouth-filling place-names and hilarious diversions.

Janet WK, Amazon Review

 wonderful witty new world full of engaging characters to explore

This is not your mama’s fairy tale adventure – this is more like a trip down the rabbit hole where up isn’t always up and you never know what is going to happen next.

Not only does this story have the most unlikeliest group of heroes ever, it is full of puns that touch on everything from technology tycoons (there’s a bridge in town called William Gates named after a man from a long ago era who made a fortune selling glass panes) to music (When Doves Laugh, Last Carriage to Clarksville, Mama’s Don’t Let Your Babies Grow up to be Jesters) to popular TV Shows (Stúüùbing. Captain Stúüùbing of the Barco del Amor).

The characters are vivid enough that I can picture them in my mind – I can see Jerome’s little stub of a tail twitching with excitement, I can see Hector posing automatically whenever he’s given a chance, I can feel Eloise’s disgust when she has to put the stone in her mouth over and over again, I feel the menace of the Happy Clappers as they encircle and close in on Eloise, Lorch and Jerome.

I think that it takes a talented person to tell a good story, and it takes an incredibly talented person to fill their story with puns and witticisms that add to and do not detract from the tale being told. Just like Robert Asprin, Terry Pratchett and Piers Anthony before him, Andrew Einspruch’s tales of the Western Lands and All That Really Matters falls into the latter category.

liasmom2, Amazon Review